Wednesday, January 9

The ultimate shit story!

I think this happened to take my mind off of things today...
Every preschool/work morning, it is a delicate dance getting my child and myself out the door by 8:30 AM. Since school started in September, my record has been stellar.  I think 8:38 was my latest departure, but my average departure time is probably 8:32 AM. We are almost always the first to arrive when school opens at 8:45 AM.

For this to happen, I carefully weave through the morning routine..
  • Make coffee for my husband and me
  • Empty the dishwasher
  • Drink coffee in bed with my sweetie and talk about our day (this is especially nice if my son is still asleep)
  • Welcome our son into our bed around 7 AM
  • Watch a PBS kids program or DVD (Curious George - Today we watched Wallace & Gromit)
  • Shower (wash and dry hair on alternate mornings - clearly this takes more time)
  • Make lunch for my son (pack breakfast and lunch for my husband and me if I am really with it)
  • Get myself dressed
  • Put on some make-up, brush my hair, etc.
  • Pack up what ever I need for my day (gym bag, work stuff, etc.)
  • Get my son a little snack or drink
  • Get my son to sit on the potty (he usually poops at 8 AM while watching a show in our bedroom)
  • See my husband off to work
  • Clean the potty
  • Get my son dressed
  • Get my son to brush his teeth
  • Feed my son breakfast or prepare some breakfast for the drive to school.
We hustle down to the garage, and if all goes well we are on our way by 8:30 AM.
It is a delicate dance, but I am pretty darn good at it.

This morning things didn't quite work out. We were cutting it a bit close on time.
Shortly after 8, I came upstairs to help my son clean his bottom and empty his potty.
This was a morning when his diaper was bone dry. The potty was filled with a LOT of pee and a pile of the stinkiest, messiest and wettest poop. I helped him to clean his bottom and carefully placed him up on the bed so I could remove the potty and get it flushed and cleaned. Somehow I lost my balance and tripped, kicking the potty over -- ALL OVER!
My freshly showered feet and legs - covered in shit and pee
The side of our bed - duvet cover - sprayed with shit and pee
The bedroom floor (hardwoods thank god) - covered in shit and pee
Shit and pee was everywhere!!!
I nearly died.
It was the worst toxic mess I have ever seen.
I tried my best to remain calm and clear-minded.
It wasn't easy, but I did manage to get everything cleaned up, the duvet cover in the laundry, and left the house by 8:50 AM.
Everyone seemed to be late for school this morning (I'm sure they didn't have an excuse that even comes close to mine!). We didn't even miss circle!


Anonymous said...

ugh, that's truly disgusting! on another note, i'd like to read your husband's morning routine! ;) sarah

Anonymous said...

Time to use the big potty! Just use that handle on the side and flush!!!