Wednesday, January 9

The ultimate shit story!

I think this happened to take my mind off of things today...
Every preschool/work morning, it is a delicate dance getting my child and myself out the door by 8:30 AM. Since school started in September, my record has been stellar.  I think 8:38 was my latest departure, but my average departure time is probably 8:32 AM. We are almost always the first to arrive when school opens at 8:45 AM.

For this to happen, I carefully weave through the morning routine..
  • Make coffee for my husband and me
  • Empty the dishwasher
  • Drink coffee in bed with my sweetie and talk about our day (this is especially nice if my son is still asleep)
  • Welcome our son into our bed around 7 AM
  • Watch a PBS kids program or DVD (Curious George - Today we watched Wallace & Gromit)
  • Shower (wash and dry hair on alternate mornings - clearly this takes more time)
  • Make lunch for my son (pack breakfast and lunch for my husband and me if I am really with it)
  • Get myself dressed
  • Put on some make-up, brush my hair, etc.
  • Pack up what ever I need for my day (gym bag, work stuff, etc.)
  • Get my son a little snack or drink
  • Get my son to sit on the potty (he usually poops at 8 AM while watching a show in our bedroom)
  • See my husband off to work
  • Clean the potty
  • Get my son dressed
  • Get my son to brush his teeth
  • Feed my son breakfast or prepare some breakfast for the drive to school.
We hustle down to the garage, and if all goes well we are on our way by 8:30 AM.
It is a delicate dance, but I am pretty darn good at it.

This morning things didn't quite work out. We were cutting it a bit close on time.
Shortly after 8, I came upstairs to help my son clean his bottom and empty his potty.
This was a morning when his diaper was bone dry. The potty was filled with a LOT of pee and a pile of the stinkiest, messiest and wettest poop. I helped him to clean his bottom and carefully placed him up on the bed so I could remove the potty and get it flushed and cleaned. Somehow I lost my balance and tripped, kicking the potty over -- ALL OVER!
My freshly showered feet and legs - covered in shit and pee
The side of our bed - duvet cover - sprayed with shit and pee
The bedroom floor (hardwoods thank god) - covered in shit and pee
Shit and pee was everywhere!!!
I nearly died.
It was the worst toxic mess I have ever seen.
I tried my best to remain calm and clear-minded.
It wasn't easy, but I did manage to get everything cleaned up, the duvet cover in the laundry, and left the house by 8:50 AM.
Everyone seemed to be late for school this morning (I'm sure they didn't have an excuse that even comes close to mine!). We didn't even miss circle!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

ugh, that's truly disgusting! on another note, i'd like to read your husband's morning routine! ;) sarah

Anonymous said...

Time to use the big potty! Just use that handle on the side and flush!!!